Buttons
by autographontheradio
Summary: Sasori's been watching too much television. And so, from this inspiration, hes updated Hiruko to the latest technology. ...Christmas lights, un?


**A/N: I read Naruto volume 28 today. They changed 'katsu' to 'yaarrgghh'! Yeah. Not happy!**

* * *

Deidara and Sasori were called into Pein's office one peacefully afternoon at the Akatsuki hideout. The birds (before getting killed by Hidan) were singing, sun was shining (Because, Sir leader was in a good mood today) Kisame had not left the bath tap on, therefore no floods into the bedrooms and hallways. Pein's office was just as messy as any other messy person's on the planet; being the Akatsuki leader, of course, he had many things on his mind. About three coffee cups sat on his desk, all full and at least three days old. Sasori and Deidara pretended to not smell the smell of sour milk, though. Pein ignored the cups, the smell, the staring on the two Akatsuki member's faces and the screaming from below, in which Hidan must be yelling at Kakuzu for not doing the dishes or something.

"Here's your mission," said the Akatsuki leader, almost lazily, waving his hand like a fly was in the way. In fact, there was a fly, but it was sitting on the bookshelf at the moment, dead. "I expect you back by midnight. Fly, walk, run, whatever. In Kumo, there's a shrine in the east west town of Kinshoukime. Its a non-shinobi town, but you'll find the old Jashinist or two. It's in the middle of the town, hard to miss. We've been commissioned to steal a very important statue. Don't fail, or Kakuzu will have your guts unraveled and twisted over you. The statue is in the Honden, it looks like this.'

Pein held up a very battered tea-coloured piece of parchment, which had a very bad drawing on an eagle. Deidara and Sasori, both artists themselves, had to squint to recognize the shape of such an animal. Its beak was crooked, eyes the size of saucers and wings... well, it looked like a five year-old did it.

"Why steal it, un...?" Deidara was still staring at the drawing, hand squeezed tight over a clay bag, his other hand waggling its own pink tongue.

"Who really cares? It's doing the Akatsuki good. Its not as bad as the mission I set Hidan last week."

Both Sasori and Deidara vividly recalled Hidan screaming at the top of his voice at Pein some days ago. Apparently Pein set him to get a cat that got stuck in a tree, without killing it. But they did get paid well, and Kakuzu hadn't let it down all week, which is properly why Hidan was yelling downstairs now. Never the less, Sasori rolled his eyes and walked out of Pein's office. Deidara swished his eyes away from the eagle drawing which Pein had placed on the desk, stalking after Sasori. They went past Konan, Pein's and Madara Uchiha's bedrooms (Tobi went in there when he "was in a bad mood" and didn't come out for days on end) downstairs, past the kitchen, Hidan and Kakuzu's bloody room (Hidan had pulled the door frame off in anger) and fit between Kisame and Itachi's room and Zetsu and Tobi's, was Sasori and Deidara's room. It was, by far, much more neater than everyone elses bedrooms. The reason was Sasori's pretty much a clean freak and orders Deidara to clean his bit of the room as well. Pity the rest weren't like them, Pein sighed to Konan one day.

Slowly, the two packed some of their belongings. Sasori fitted three scrolls on his back, as he did not need Hiruko just now. Deidara finished getting ready for the mission in about 5 seconds. Sasori took ten minutes.

"Brat," Deidara said, imitating Sasori's voice perfectly. "I don't like waiting."

Sasori shot him a glare that was even more harsh than the poison he used. Deidara retreated, shuddering, saying no more for the rest of the time Sasori took. He guessed he made Sasori into a bad mood, although he still found it amusing, even back all those years when he first joined Akatsuki,

They set off on two of Deidara's clay birds, flying above the hideout and past grassy green rice fields. They were in the land of Sound, after all. Small ant-like houses fell away into the horizon line.

"Do," Deidara was the first to break the silence. Sasori didn't react. "Well... have you updated Hiruko or not yet?"

When the Akatsuki got a TV, Sasori got a little influenced on some shows. Hidan called these shows "Futuristic, technology shit". He'd watch them for hours on end, instead of training.

"No." came the expressionless reply of a forty-year old man that had the physical appearance of a fourteen year old. Alright, he was lying. After a long pause, "...Yes."

Deidara grinned. _So the puppeteer finally decides to talk now._ "And, un?"

"And un what?"

"Wha'dya do?"

"Oh," Sasori' eyes shifted. "A bit of this... and that..." He finished lamely. Deidara heard the blunt tone in his voice.

Bits and pieces... "Aren't you going to show me, hmm? I mean, I haven't see you in Hiruko for a while."

"He needs fixing," said Sasori stiffly.

"Its either updating puppets or watching TV these days, un," Deidara sighed, turning a little to the west.

* * *

"That was easy," remarked Deidara, holding a lump figure of an eagle statue, exiting the shrine. They walked out. They did not need weapons or anything really to get in. _Aren't things like this supposed to be guarded or something!? _"Noooooooooow, can you show me what you've done to Hiruko?"

He was only doing this because he wanted to compare art. And he'd been bugging him all day.

Either show him the damn puppet or poison him till we are back at the hideout... He chose the first option.

Taking a scroll from his back, he nipped on of his thumbs, did some quick seals and summoned Hiruko. They were now in a small clearing, no one was around.

"_What... the hell_... have you done..."

_Isn't he gorgeous!?_ Sasori admired the up-to-date Hiruko.

"What's that on his back? _Christmas lights_, hmm?" Deidara walked around the puppet shell, examining. He nearly did not recognized Hiruko. Clearly, Sasori had updated him. The hunchbacked puppet had changed. His eyes were glowing-

"So I can see better in the dark. I got them cheap from an ad on TV."

Back was covered in multi-coloured lights-

"Warns predators, shines into enemies eyes, causing blindness-"

"...Its a _fucking_ Christmas tree!"

And inside-

"I reworked the inside fully. The levers and latches have been replaced with simple touch-screen buttons, so now I have more space to move," concluded Sasori boastfully.

_In your face, brat. _

"What's touch-screen, un?"

"A Touchscreen is a display which can detect the location of touches within the display area."

"What?"

Deidara didn't understand the last bit. He now was kneeling; staring inside the "lighthouse spectacular" show (e.g Inside of Hiruko). He also noticed Sasori had replaced the cloth around Hiruko's mouth. He bent over to see what is looked like. Now white, with a little bit of writing down the bottom:

_This is a puppet copyrighted by Sasori enterprises. _

"_Sasori enterprises?_ Danna... You've been watching too much TV, un!"

Sasori merely blinked at him.

"...No I haven't."

"...Yes you have."

"No."

'Yes."

This squabble was on for about five minutes, and then Deidara gave up, feeling like a loser.

And yet Hiruko was stilling glowing like a Christmas tree.

He had an idea. A brilliant, mind-blowing idea.

"Sasori no Danna..." asked Deidara very sweetly."Can I have a ride in Hiruko?"

Sasori merely glared at him for a moment, before choking on his own salvia. "W-W-hat!?"

"Pretty please!" Deidara battered his eyelashes. "Before we get back!"

"Well..." Sasori considered. This time, Sasori had an idea. A brilliant, mind-blowing idea. "Yes. Of course."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. "Really!?"

"I'm sure."

_Sasori doesn't usually let me ride in Hiruko. In fact, he never has let me. _

"Leave your clay outside my Hiruko," Sasori ordered Deidara. He left the bags on the grass, and crept in Hiruko. Wriggling around, he then positioned himself and felt comfortable.

"I'm guessing you are too lazy to use your hands to pull down Hiruko's back. Where's the button, un?" Deidara looked around.

"The blue one."

"There's like, seven thousand damn blue ones!"

Sasori shook his head. How kids need to learn these days...

"The second button from the left of the first red button, the lightest blue button."

"That's white!"

"No, you are just colourblind!"

Never the less, Deidara pressed the "white" button, the hunch in Hiruko descending down. He didn't pull his head in just in time...

"OW! What's his back made of, STEEL?" yelled Deidara from the shell, rubbing the top of his head. He wasn't wearing his usual high ponytail today either.

"The very best," said Sasori fondly, not to Dei, but to Hiruko.

"So what does this do...?" Deidara swiveled himself around, pressing a finger firmly on a orange button. He nearly jumped out of his own skin when the button moved, revealing a small screen, with the words in pink handwriting:

_Hello, Mr. Sasori. Would music would you like to play? Please select one of the following playlists:_

_A) When Deidara is talking about how wonderful his art is mode_

_B) Relaxation mode_

_C) Techno mode_

_D) When Hidan is throwing a hissy fit mode_

_E) General mode_

_F) When Orochimaru is talking about getting his hands on a Uchiha mode_

_G) Akatsuki mode_

"When Deidara is talking about how wonderful his art is?" repeated Deidara under his breath, staring at the screen.

SonofabitchSasori!

The music player shuffled, settling on 'track ten'. It wasn't music, though, a babble of talking came out of a tiny speaker, and it rattled loud in Hiruko, of course, only to be not heard in the outside world.

_"Mechanisms in puppets, part seven. Converting your puppet to metal may cause some rust..." _

"SASORI, YOU BASTARD!" Deidara yelled, issuing out of Hiruko's mouth.

If anyone from the Akatsuki were here, they would be having fits of laughter, at Hiruko screeching at Sasori.

"So you found something you don't like?" Sasori smirked, jumping out the way as Deidara jammed his thumb into a large red button, causing Hiruko's scorpion-like tail to unravel and nearly puncture Sasori straight into the chest.

"How do you move this THING, un?"

Sasori jumped onto the tallest tree, doing back flip, ducking under the tail and back to where he started. "You need to be a puppeteer for that."

"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?"

The red-head nodded. "Well, duh. How do you think I MOVE him?"

Deidara pressed a yellow button.

"_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock..." _

"I put that in so we don't have to hear Tobi singing at Christmas time."

Another button.

_"And Konoha won 12 to 9 at Suna's stadium..." _

"That's radio," supplied Sasori, knowing Deidara pressed something else, he heard a bubbling issuing from Hiruko. "That's my indoor swimming pool. I haven't tried that out yet..."

He heard banging from Deidara, who obviously couldn't breathe, and Hiruko started to shake. Blue in the face, Deidara slammed his fist into the wall. The water drifted away as if it went down a drain pipe, to be filled with-

"Aphrodisiac..." Sasori got out the way of the pink smoke just in time, Deidara coughing.

"Gah!, un! What's this... this... this... stuff..." His voice became faint. Sasori rolled his eyes, jumping onto the back of Hiruko, digging his fingernails under the shell and opening it. Sasori shook his head, smirking.

"You forgot to press 'air filter' first..."

"Danna..." Deidara looked up at him, eyes sparkling like wine. "I want to..."

* * *

Sasori had ran, ran off, back to the hideout, scrolls, now with Hiruko back inside, swinging from his back. Deidara caught up with him lazily, eyes very red.

"You're going to Kakuzu for medicine."

"I want _you_... Danna..."

Sasori slapped him on the face. "Snap out of it!"

Deidara was so close to him he could feel his breath. Poisoned breath.

"Brat-"

"But... Danna..." Deidara whined, clinging onto him. Sasori turned away, cheeks burning. Then he came to a conclusion.

"Fine."

They were going to be late back to the hideout, after all.


End file.
